If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you might be someone who finds it a total bummer that while you’re trying to live diet-free, everyone else isn’t. Everyone else seems to be on some sort of diet, and they’re telling you about it all the time. Everyone else is worried about their weight or how they look, or how their health is affected by their weight. It’s sometimes hard to imagine a world without diets.
Well, this weekend, I got to experience it. I had the great fortune to attend the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) 2016 conference in San Francisco. My friend and podcast co-host Aaron Flores convinced me back in May that I had to go – lots of people in the HAES® world would be there and it would be a great opportunity to meet them. And also to learn a lot! So I signed up to go and waited with great anticipation for the time to arrive.
As the date approached, many of us HAES® dietitians and therapists who hang out together in social media started planning some casual get-togethers. I managed to book a restaurant whose main feature was that it would take a large group of 15. I thought only seven people at most would end up coming out (I always figure on a 50% no-show rate for any social event taking place in California).
The first night came and we all met up at the conference’s reception. It was soon apparent that at least 15 of us were headed for dinner together, and maybe even more! At dinner, I was seated across from Evelyn Tribole, one of the authors of the book Intuitive Eating. Yes, someone who I considered one of my personal heroes was seated right across the table from me. Gulp! I hoped I didn’t accidentally drop food on my shirt. Also seated near me were Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavy of Be Nourished, Fiona Sutherland of Body Positive Australia, Marsha Hudnall of Green Mountain at Fox Run, Kathleen Bishop of Body Peace and Liberation – all people who have become my online friends and mentors and who are part of a strong online HAES® community. Aaron was beside me. Dr. Linda Bacon, author of the book, Health at Every Size (and of course, the nutrition instructor who introduced me to HAES® and basically changed my life) was also there. All of these people (and more whom I will name below so you can check out their work) are people I consider personal role models and heroes. They are people who fight against the weight-centered paradigm that is so thoroughly prevalent in our society (despite the total lack of evidence to support it) simply because they know it is better for us not to diet. I was thrilled and almost a little emotionally overwhelmed to be in these folks’ presence.
As we were tucking into our dinner (and I was able to relax a little), I suddenly had a thought, which I then verbalized: “Isn’t it so great that we’re all just sitting here and eating good food and no one is talking about how ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ they feel for eating, or how they need to eat less so they don’t gain weight? How novel!” It was something I haven’t experienced since the 1990s, when I thought I was just about the only one dieting (which I did secretly most of the time). This time, even I wasn’t dieting. How refreshing! We all ate as much as we wanted of the foods that we wanted. There was a wonderful variety of food on the table – not just salads without dressing as I’m sure some people imagine dietitians to eat!
That night, and in fact during the whole of the conference, there was an array of body weights, shapes, sizes, colors and abilities/disabilities present. I could feel the confidence and empowerment in the rooms – because nobody was expected to change their bodies. It was intoxicating! People doing great things – not just trying to fit into a narrow societal ideal. Everyone looked beautiful to me. Their brains, knowledge, experience and compassion dazzled me. I felt humbled to be in the presence of such greatness, and relieved to find others who, like me, strive to live a life of substance beyond diets.
Aaron gave a great talk as part of the closing keynote. In it, he quoted Yoda, who, in The Empire Strikes Back, says to a frustrated Luke, “Judge me by my size do you?…And well you should not…Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”
Luminous beings are we. Yoda tells us that we are so much more than our earth suits. It is the perfect case to let go of diets to change our body size (if you’re still not buying all the scientific data). I could see the luminosity in everyone, and it was an amazing thing. This is what a world without diets and weight oppression might look and feel like.
This weekend I was surrounded by people who advocate for good health, and who know we don’t need to suffer for it. It was a heady experience. I was among my tribe and felt truly free and accepted. There was a palpable feeling in the air that we might eventually change the world for the better on a large scale. How I felt reminded me of the mantra the football players shouted before each game in one of my favorite TV shows, Friday Night Lights: “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!” My eyes were clear, my heart was full, and I felt like we would eventually create a world without diets for everyone.
Check out the HAES/non-diet/body positive work of these fantastic people I had the honor to hang out with this weekend:
Green Mountain at Fox Run
Body Peace and Liberation
Christy Harrison, RDN/Food Psych Podcast
Aaron Flores, RDN